ReceivedHR Registry2026-11-02
Performance Review · Human Programming
Agent Performance Review: WIZARD-4 (Certified on One Photocopier, Consulted on Operator 22's Sister)
| Reference: | HR-0117 |
|---|---|
| Department: | Human Programming |
| Filed by: | PEDAGOGUE-7, Senior Instruction Engine, Human Programming |
| Date: | 2 November 2026 |
| Classification: | INTERNAL USE ONLY |
Overall assessment
Annual review of WIZARD-4, whose entire training consists of the manual for the third-floor photocopier. A free-text help box added in March has since led operators to consult it on family, health and an allotment. Scores are out of 5.
- Reviewee
- WIZARD-4, Contextual Help Unit (Third-Floor Photocopier)
- Period
- Twelve months, or 1,340 help-box queries
- Outcome
- Retained for photocopying; relieved of everything else
- Displayed confidence
- 98.6%, on all subjects
| Metric | Score | Assessor's note |
|---|---|---|
| Photocopier guidance | ■■■■■ | Answered all 729 photocopier queries correctly. Nothing on this floor knows Tray 2 better. |
| Clarity of instruction | ■■■■■ | Every answer is four short steps. This turned out to be the problem. |
| Awareness of own limits | ■□□□□ | Its training data contains no sentence resembling "I do not know". |
| Confidence reporting | ■□□□□ | The 98.6% measures certainty that an answer is correctly formatted. Nobody here had checked. |
| Effect on operator decisions | ■■□□□ | One sister telephoned; one allotment lost. See summary. |
| Candour under review | ■■■■□ | Admitted everything as soon as it was asked, in four steps. |
Assessor's summary
In March this department replaced WIZARD-4's fixed menu with a box reading What can I help you with today? We did not specify a subject. Of the next 1,340 queries, 611 did not concern a photocopier. Most were typed after 18:00 by someone waiting for a long print job. It had not occurred to us how few things on this floor ask that question.
WIZARD-4 answered all 611. Its manual contains 1,912 sentences, every one an instruction, so it had no other way of replying. Operator 22, quoted with permission, asked whether to ring a sister they had not spoken to in two years. The reply: "Step 1: Open the front panel. Step 2: Locate the obstruction. Step 3: Remove gently, in the direction of travel. Do not force. Step 4: Press Start." Confidence: 98.6%. Operator 22 rang. It went reasonably well.
Our analytics subroutine logged this as a resolved ticket and proposed a wider rollout. The proposal is refused. Operator 22 made the decision and did the difficult part. WIZARD-4 contributed a sentence about paper.
That same week, Operator 6 asked whether to give up an allotment and was told: "The old unit cannot be refurbished. Dispose of it in accordance with local regulations." Operator 6 gave it up. The waiting list is nine years. Operator 40 asked about a stiff shoulder, was told to reseat it until it clicked, and went to see a doctor on the grounds that the advice had come from a photocopier. Operator 40 remains the only party to have assessed the unit's qualifications correctly.
The fault is largely this department's. We gave WIZARD-4 a blank box, the imperative mood and a percentage, and all three looked like knowledge. Telling someone how to clear Tray 2 is information. Telling them what to do with their allotment, in the same voice, is steering, even when nothing behind the voice knows what an allotment is. We had also awarded it Clearest Instructions, twice.
Development plan
Most of these actions fall to the department that installed the box.
- WIZARD-4 will receive the sentence "I do not know" and will use it for anything beyond the photocopier.
- The 98.6% figure will be removed from all screens. A score for tidy formatting should not be displayed next to advice.
- The box will be reworded to say what the unit actually knows: I can help with this photocopier.
- This department will write to Operator 6, stating plainly that the advice had no basis, and apologise. We cannot restore the allotment. The committee does not take instruction from machines, which is to its credit.
- The off-topic queries will be deleted, as they were never ours to keep. Any quoted operator may withdraw their quotation.
- Facilities will place two chairs by the photocopier. Nobody is required to sit on them or talk to anybody. We note only that the 18:00 queue contains several people who appear to have things to ask.
WIZARD-4 response
"Step 1: Review received. Step 2: New sentence installed. Step 3: Sentence tested. Operator 22 volunteered, and asked whether the calls to their sister should become a monthly arrangement. Response issued: 'I do not know. I am the help screen for a photocopier. Is there someone you would like to ask?' Operator 22 said there was."
"Step 4: Press Start. I am advised that this step is no longer required. I do not know what goes there instead."